Isabo Baxton Named to Helm the Daily Sinner

by Sinners Bay Staff

Sinners Bay, April 25, 2011 -- Isabo Baxton was named as the new editor of the Daily Sinner by publisher Dita Actor earlier today at a small gathering.



Baxton has primarily worked as a freelance editor and author of various on-line resources. Educated at Georgetown University, Baxton started her career at the Washington Post as an intern, rising quickly through the ranks for no apparent reason. When asked about her rapid rise, her editor said, "I don't know if she can write, but she gives one helluva blow job."

Baxton is a strong proponent of various UFO conspiracies and maintains the true reason President Obama doesn't have a birth certificate is that he was really born on a planet circling the 5th star of the Pleiades's. When questioned about this, Baxton replied, "Yes, he's an alien. I'm convinced of it. Those ears hide his antenna. Remember 'My Favorite Martian'? He has the same ears. "



Baxton states that her plans for the future of the Daily Sinner is to provide clear, concise, non-biased updates about the events and the politics behind the events in Sinners Bay. "Under my leadership, the Daily Sinner will probe into the darkest holes and seamy underbelly of Sinners Bay!"

When questioned about rumors of drug use and larceny, Baxton replied, "That's all nonsense, rumors concocted by my numerous enemies to diminish my journalistic integrity."

Local "Irish" Businessman Really a Brit?

Local "Irish" Businessman Really a Brit?
Stubby McGinnis Revealed!
by Isabo Baxton

The Daily Sinner obtained this photo recently from an unnamed source with a telephoto lens. Stubby McGinnis seen about town waving the Union Jack.

Sinners Bay, April 25, 2011 -- While supervising renovations at a local business, Stubby McGinnis was spotted with this British flag in a secret room.

Could Mr. McGinnis have anything to do with the British Flags popping up all over town? Rumor has it that McGinnis has taken to sipping tea and blurting out "God Save the Queen" at inappropriate moments. Said one of McGinnis' female acquaintances, "Yeah, I thought it was kind of odd that he wanted me to dress up like a Coldstream Guard and march about his apartment and address him as your majesty. But then, with Stubby, you never can tell."

Anyone who spots McGinnis behaving English should take a photo and contact Isabo Baxton immediately.

The Daily Sinner attempted to question Mr. McGinnis about this photo prior to press time. McGinnis refused to respond.

Local Bar "Accidentally" Raided By Police

Local Bar "Accidentally" Raided By Police
The Dogs Bollocks Shut Down by City Officials
Not by Shaggy Littleboots

The Pleasant Side of Sinners Bay, April 27, 2011 -- Early Wednesday morning, deputies from the Sinners Bay Sheriff’s Department were spotted erecting barricades and posting “Keep Out” signs blocking entry into a popular local bar, the Dog Bollocks. What the unusually proactive deputies failed to realize was the orders to shut down the bar had been forged.

Prior to learning that their orders were fake, one of the deputies candidly told the Daily Sinner staff, "City Health and Sanitation left a note on the counter at the Sheriff’s Office saying the Puppy Nuts, excuse me, I mean the Dogs Bollocks, was full of shit, and needed to be condemned until the health department violations are cleared up. Health and Sanitation was afraid to deal with it and passed it on to us. The Sherriff’s Office deals with ALL kinds of shit regularly, particularly around this bar. So, for us it was just your run-of-the mill shitty day."

When asked about Sheriff Menna’s position, the same deputy said, "I don't even know if he (Menna) knows, as this is sub- level shit for the "head" man. But it doesn't matter, because the health and sanitary well-being of Sinners Bay trumps any personal connections or politics. I mean if he wants to personally go and make sure Mr. McGinnis' toilets, or loos I guess since I hear he's a Brit, aren't plugged, he can, but the bottom line is Stubby just needs to get the shit out of there."

The mistake was quickly fixed, the barricades coming down almost as soon as they went up. We asked the Sheriff's office to comment and they declined as they seemed more interested in their lunch.

News : Gas Leak and Hostile Takeover!

A gas leak in the former Dog's Bollocks has led to the immediate shut down of all its facilities early Sunday morning April 17th.






In other news - The newly opened Happy Hooker pub on the water front is rumoured to have been muscled out of town by its sole competitor, the Dog's Bollocks pub - in a hostile take over bid.

New Editor to Take the Helm at the Daily Sinner

New Editor to take the Helm at The Daily Sinner

Associated Sinners Press - April 16, 2011

Sinners Bay, Second Life - Rumor has it that a new editor has finally been named to replace interim editor Shaggy Littleboots as editor of the Daily Sinner.

Ms. Littleboots will continue to work as first Ass Editor and help with the transition.

When asked if she regretted not being named editor, Ms. Littleboots responded, " Uh, Uh, wow, er, I guess it's not like a major disappointment, or nuthin. I mean, uh, I guess that since the new editor realizes I'm still the number one ASS, administrative support specialist, the best ASS in the office, that while that's not like ult, much less ult mag, uh, sure. I mean it's not like they're gonna pay her ASS anymore then they do me, so yeah, uh, it's ok. I'm cereal, it really is." ".

Sources are quiet at the moment as to the identity of the new editor. But this reporter has it on good authority that the new editor is a an incorruptible crusader out to rid the stain of corruption from Sinners Bay.

Isabo Baxton Attacked in Home
Suffers multiple injuries
Thursday, April 18, 2011

Early Thursday morning, Isabo Baxton, local resident and part-time bartender at the Dog's Bollocks was assaulted in her home after a rumored altercation in the bar.

She was found around dawn lying in a pool of blood by her friend Louise Dreadlow.

After spending some time rummaging through Ms. Baxton's personal effects and apartment searching for clues, Louise Dreadlow called the police and rescue squad once she realized that Baxton was still breathing.


The police arrived very quickly after the call, responding in only 90 minutes. Much to everyone's surprise, Baxton still clung to life. When the police asked Baxton if she knew who attacked her, the victim mumbled something that sounded like, "hat-wearing, f***tard."

Medical personnel say Baxton's injuries include a gunshot wound to the right buttock, a broken arm, broken ribs, punctured lung, broken nose, and multiple contusions. She had not been sexually assaulted.


All photographs of the victim and crime scene come from confidential sources.

Baxton was treated for her injuries and sent home to recuperate. Sheriff Gary Menna questioned Baxton Thursday evening and had this to say about the incident. "The perpetrator of this heinous crime will be caught. This type of thing is unacceptable in the Bay."

A confidential transcript of Sheriff Menna's is attached at the end of the article.

Sheriff Gary Menna has requested that anyone who may have seen Baxton arguing with aforementioned hat-wearing, f***tard should contact him immediately.

Confidential Transcript
Transcript of Sheriff Gary Menna questioning Isabo Baxton
obtained through confidential sources

Gary Menna knocks loudly on the front door. "Hello, Sheriff's office."

Isabo Baxton snores on the couch.

Gary Menna shakes his head, growling a bit and pounds on the front door. "Hello....anyone home?"

Isabo Baxton opens one eye and shouts, "You better be pizza delivery or I'm gonna fire my shotgun through the door." ((The lock on the door has been shot off.))

Gary Menna frowns a bit, thinking he heard a voice inside and pushes on the door.

Isabo Baxton looks up groggily at the person and with more than a little fear, "Get away from me, you cabbage-eating shithead!"

Gary Menna grunts, spotting the woman on the sofa and moves over. "Sheriff's office ma'am. I hear there was some excitement last night."

Isabo Baxton narrows her eyes and tries to focus and it finally registers that it's the sheriff. "Oh. Hello."

Gary Menna reaches into his pocket for the notbook and pen. "So did you want to make a report ma'am?"

Isabo Baxton contemplates this a moment, "Yes, I would."

Gary Menna flips open the notebook, running through the pages of drawings to a clean page and clicks the pen. "Alright, so what's your name?"

Isabo Baxton: "Isabo Baxton. Who are you again?"

Gary Menna nods, scratching that out on the page. "Sheriff Menna, miss Baxton. So what happened last night?"

Isabo Baxton: "Um, well I was bartending across the street and I was talking with one of the nurses, Jessica something, my friend Sienna Glas and the the whorehouse madame named Lissa-something and um.. Shoot, let me try to remember. I got Jessica a glas of red wine, Lissa had Jameson's neat, Sienna drinks vodka and cranberry juice." Shifts her weight to take the pressure off the bullet wound in her ass.

Gary Menna starts to smile slightly, thinking of the redhead nurse taped up and naked a while back. The smile starts to get wider thinking of a chained up naked Lissa, then he coughs a bit, starting to draw some stick figures on the page. "I see, so you tend bar over at the bollocks?"

Isabo Baxton nods her head, "Yes, yes, I do. Then someone came in wearing pajamas with fruit on them and he had a Mexican coffee which is coffee, kahlua and cream. Then..... " winces again. "Would you mind handing me the bottle on the table there?"

Gary Menna frowns a bit, moving over to the table and grabbing the bottle. He takes it over to the sofa and holds it out. "This one?"

Isabo Baxton smiles and nods and extends her good hand, "Yes that one. That's the oxycontin right?"

Gary Menna turns the bottle to look at the label and nods, handing it over. "Yep. So pajamas and Mexican coffee?"

Isabo Baxton opens the bottle slowly and fishes out a pill and swallows it along with a swing of water. "Then... well things get foggy for me. I remember Lissa taking off her pants, Sienna taking off her dress, the pajama man leaving, At some point, I lost my shirt and there was a lot of shouting. I remember opening my door to my house and small arms fire, then nothing until the medics found me this morning."

Gary Menna moves back to the chair, leaning back on it as he adds some flames to the little stick figures. Looking up to raise an eyebrow. "So there was an orgy going on? Before the gunshots, that is?"

Isabo Baxton thinks a moment and is not insulted at all that Gary thinks there might have been an orgy. "You know, I don't think so. There was this man... big guy.

Isabo Baxton closes her eyes trying to remember. "Bald, kind of hard to understand, smelled like cigars and cabbage and...." eyes fly open as she obviously recalls something. "OH!"

Gary Menna shrugs a bit, the interest going out of his voice. He starts to draw a robot on the page. "Hmmm, okay. So then, this big guy, was he the one shooting?"

Isabo Baxton nods, "Ah sure, yeah, I think so. Apparently, he shot the lock off my door, broke my arm, my nose, my ribs and shot me in the ass."

Gary Menna nods, adding a raygun to the robot before waving the pen to indicate the bruises and cast. "So you got shot first, then beat up?"

Isabo Baxton: "Oh, when I got home, I think it was the same guy who ate all the chocolate and left the toilet set up. " looks confused. "No, beat up, *then* shot."

Gary Menna lowers his head back down to the notepad to hide the smirk. He draws a spaceship on the page and then adds some lines from the raygun to the spaceship. "Yeah, us guys do that all the time. Well, I don't care for chocolate much. Anyway, do you know this guy? Cigar and cabbage guy?"

Isabo Baxton shifts her weight again, "No." then adds, "but the Madam, Jessica, Sienna or the Pajama Man might know."

Gary Menna taps the pen on the notebook, admiring the latest doodle for a moment, then looks up as he flips the notebook closed. "Okay, well we'll call you if we need any more information Miss Baxton."

Isabo Baxton: "Thank you." struggles to remember Gary's name, "Officer Krupke."

Gary Menna shakes his head, slipping the notebook and pen back in place. Turning for the door. "I'll let you get some rest then."

Isabo Baxton head dips as the drugs take effect and resumes snoring.