Facts?: Police report as leaked to the press

OFFICIAL POLICE REPORT
DETAILING: Assault of Detective Kelsey Edelmann, April 24, 2010
NOT TO BE RELEASED TO PUBLIC BY ORDER OF: Detective Kelsey Edelmann
RATED CONFIDENTIAL BY ORDER OF: Detective Kelsey Edelmann

At approximately 11 AM SLT, Detective Edelmann noted a woman in a business-type skirt suit motioning towards her by Zoe's Cafe.

After being approached by Detective Edelmann the woman proceeded to overpower the detective, forcing her to the ground where she was bound, gagged, and blindfolded. She was forced to walk to the vacant lot next to Zoe's where she had her trousers forcibly removed, and was hogtied with additional rope. Her hosiery was slid down and her service revolver was inserted into her vagina while her pepper spray canister was forced into her anus. Both were secured with additional rope before red lipstick was used to write "Stay out of town" and "FBI" on her buttocks. Nylon fishing wire was then bound to the trigger of Detective Edelmann's revolver, and then run around the vicinity with sufficient tension so that a careless rescuer could trip the wire and unintentionally pull the trigger of the revolver. Finally, Detective Edelmann's hosiery was then pulled back up, further ensuring that Detective Edelmann would not be able to expel these devices.

Due to the writing on her buttocks as well as the well dressed nature of her assailant, Detective Edelmann is concerned that inter-agency rivalry between the SRPD and FBI, taken too far, could be the cause of her assault. In addtion to the writing on her buttocks, the assailant stated to Detective Edelmann that "You can deliver my message dead or alive" and "You be a good messenger and make sure that the people at the top get to hear of it," while also taking efforts to further humiliate Detective Edelmann and show disrespect for the SRPD. Detective Edelmann's police badge was affixed to her notebook, and placed under her chin, where they became soaked with saliva due to the drooling caused by the ballgag lodged in the detective's mouth.

Detective Edelmann was eventually freed without further incident at approximately 1 PM SLT by Ms. Mayumi Inaka, a local citizen in good standing. Ms. Inaka has assured Detective Edelmann that she will refrain from informing the news media about what she saw or discussing the matter on the internet as per the wishes of Detective Edelmann.